This morning, we started a conversation around the idea of diluting yourself. It's something we've both experienced: that behaviour of diluting and minimising the authentic parts of ourselves to fit in and feel accepted and worthy.
And then several clients today were having the same kind of conversation, saying things like, "I don't want to be the weird one", and "I'm afraid of what will happen when I fully show who I am".
When we're in a state of fear, we have a tendency to create masks, facades and stories in an attempt to be able to better connect. But, in actual fact, in doing so we are creating more disconnection, more confusion, and less authenticity. Living as a chameleon inevitably leads to more frustration.
And this fear is primal - we can see it dates back to hunter/gatherer tribe days (and probably even further back). The need to fit and belong is somewhat of a survival method, a way of keeping ourselves safe.
We've experienced it ourselves.
Murray knew he was different from a very young age. And it was constantly reaffirmed by everyone else around him: there was always "something wrong", he didn't fit in at school, he constantly felt out of place, and he was always being sent to see different professionals and put onto different medications because he "needed to be fixed". The parts of Murray that were truly Murray were never celebrated and always quietened - so he didn't know how to behave, and inevitably caused him to come across as more weird, and even rude. He's probably experienced similar many times in his life since then, including when he started to step into his current life and way of living. He's since found liberation from the fear of being "too weird to fit in", and found his power in telling his story and allowing others to see the real him.
Meanwhile, Renee experienced a sense of displacement in her early high school years: she'd started attending weekly meditation classes, and, with the 'kids can be cruel' mentality in mind, her parents encouraged her to keep it quiet. This planted the belief that Renee couldn't show people that side of herself, and it started to dawn on Renee why she'd maybe never fit in with the 'popular' kids: because she was "different". And the shame that came from her "weirdness" caused her to feel so uncomfortable so much of the time, like she was either unable to connect or was connecting with the wrong people. She started to push others away, started to feel confused about how to interact with others, and tried to hide the parts of herself that made others uncomfortable.
As Renee says, she needed a kick up the bum from the Universe. And, slowly but surely, The Open Mind Space was born. Moving back to Newcastle in 2017 really activated a sense of cultural support, where kinesiology and meditation were finally being celebrated, and having Murray in her corner also really helped. OMS was a way of Renee putting her flag up: offering a safe space for "weird" people to hang out together.
There's truly a gift in stepping into who you are and allowing others to see it. That sense of displacement that so many of us have experienced actually comes from not being authentic, and not doing what's in alignment for our spirits and souls - and that feeling goes away when you do own your truth; even if not everyone likes you, and even if you don't fit in.
We see a lot of hesitation in our clients. "What happens when I start being the real me?", "What if people don't like me anymore?", and "My world will change!". But you want your world to change! You don't want to feel discomfort, and you don't want to be diluting yourself!
Some relationships might change, or even naturally fall away. It's natural. In any type of relationship - friendship, romantic, familial - there should be room for both of you (and your mutual interests, and even for the relationship itself) to grow and evolve. The fall away or the shift might be gentle, gradual, mutual, or maybe even dramatic. But there shouldn't be any judgment here - it doesn't mean that either of you is inherently wrong or horrible.
Another common story, particularly for women in long-term relationships and who are seemingly settled, is "once I step into my authentic self, maybe my partner will leave me / my kids won't love me anymore". But, as Murray says, "What if they love you more?!".
Why are you trying to hold onto, or make comfortable, people in your world who do not align with your authentic self and the vision that you are trying to create in your world?
We know that a lot of us live in fear of the unknown and of change. The reality of owning your weirdness is that your world will change - but for the better. It will change in a way that aligns with and mirrors your authenticity and attracts more of that. As you step into your authentic self, your circles will evolve and shift. You are becoming the light, and giving permission to those around you to do the same. Authenticity allows you to become a beacon to like-minded, like-spirited people - or, other weirdos!
Giving yourself permission to be weird might not be an overnight journey, it might be bumpy, and it might require some relationship renegotiation. But on the other side is self-acceptance (because, as Murray says, "How can you accept others if you don't accept yourself for who you are?"), and the ability to live on purpose, with the belief that you are fully worthy.
So, here is your full permission, from us, to be weird (with only one rule: do no harm - to yourself or others). Create your world exactly as it aligns with you. If you are feeling the calling, but afraid of losing everything, we can promise you that you'll gain a lot more! Your unique flavour of weirdness is welcome and needed in the world.
Join us at Open Mind Space and Sunquncha, and show us your flavour of weird!